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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Homme

He's got a loud Hawaiian shirt
Dances hard to a Creole vibe
In a Louisiana honkytonk
Living life to live not to die

Going to the fishing pond
Casting out a hook and line
Not concerned about the catch
He's just trying to unwind

Pounding hot steel at work
Everyday he sweats hard
Soon Friday will come around
But that paycheck won't go far

He's found things to cherish
A dog his child and wife
A family that is growing
The common man leading life

The third stanza felt very forced when I wrote it and some readers have commented that they felt is was forced.  This is a good thing for me to work on.  I also made a minor change to the second stanza, second line.  Please let me know if this is improved.

He's got a loud Hawaiian shirt
Dances hard to a Creole vibe
In a Louisiana honkytonk
Living life to live not to die

Going to the fishing pond
Casting out a hook on a line
Not concerned about the catch
He's just trying to unwind

Pounding hot steel at work
A man who sweats hard
Waiting for every Friday
Stretching his paycheck far

He's found thing to cherish
A dog his child and wife
A family that is growing
The common man leading life

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