Scribble Mix Banner

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


Fog covers the ground creating a landscape of silhouettes.
A surreal world created to bring focus nearer the mind.
Beauty appears out of the abstract shapes as they are neared.
The detail emerges from the haze of a less confusing world
Light is shed upon the importance of the things nearest me.
Now thought is quieted by an archaic but revealing mist.
I attune to myself separated from the cloudy world, an irony.
For your perspective and wisdom I thank you my friend.

So there are a few very specific thing I am struggling with. I don't know whether I should be using the word "less" or "more" on the fourth line.  Also, I am not sure that the reader gets that I am referring to world without fog on the 7th line.  I am saying that the fog makes things clearer and the added visuals without the fog is what is cloudy.  I do use the duality through the poem.  I am not explaining that well but enough that you get the point.  The question: "Do I need to spell out that 7th line with more clarity?"  Please leave me some comments.

No comments:

Post a Comment