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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

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If you dream to aspire your life will grow into something wild.
If you imagine glory and fame nothing will ever be the same.
Teeter totter rise and fall you have to have knowledge to withstand it all.
Using strength of character get around inhibitions and obstacles of your mind.
Being a thinker isn't so hard keep in touch with the challenges others disregard.
Then succeed where others fail despite your inabilities you will prevail.
Within your brain is the key, unlock the secrets to live life happily.

So reading this I don't like the word "wilder" in the first line.  I have a general issue with the second line.  I want to modify the third line to add power. The fourth and fifth lines do not flow.  I caught more of a typo on the sixth line.  The seventh line seems cheesy.  Okay those were my pre-revision thoughts.  Overall, I don't think I am a fan of this poem.

If you dream to aspire your life will grow into something wilder.
If you imagine glory and fame nothing again will be the same.
Teeter totter rise and fall you got to have knowledge to withstand all.
Use your strength of mind to get around inhibitions you may find.
Being a thinker is not so hard keep in touch with challenges other disregard.
Then succeed where other fail despite your inabilities you can prevail.
Within your brain is the key to unlock the secrets to live life happily.

Act.

I continuously have a dream where I keep jumping.  Each time I jump I can seem to control my path and height of the jump.  I eventually am able to jump over trees and the key is to jumping higher is to learn how to safely descend.  Eventually after experimentation I am able to fly.  The weird thing is that I fly upright as if I were walking.  Well here is the original.  Let me know if I made this better or worse.

Jump up off the ground jump higher and higher until you fly.  If you dream to aspire your life will grow into something wilder.  If you imagine all your glory and your fame nothing again will be the same.  Teeter totter rise and fall you got to have the brain to withstand it all.  Use your thought to get around any inhibitions that you have found.  Being a thinker is not so hard it keeps you in touch with challenges that others may disregard.  You succeed where others fail despite your inabilities you prevail.  In your brain is the keep to life ever after may you live happily.

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